Monday Fungos, Week 2: Opening Homestand Fresh

The Chicago Cubs’ roller-coaster start to the 2018 season continues. So here’s a Top 10 in funny to ease the tummy.

  1. Last Monday, White Sox fans ripped on the Cubs for letting snow postpone their home opener while the South Siders played on. The Cubs’ alibi? They also had to clean the stands for a paying crowd.
  2. Anthony Rizzo’s back landed him onto the DL. Joe Maddon promised to send Victor Caratini over to shovel Old Man Rizzo’s driveway the next time it snows.
  3. Loyola University’s 98-year-old Sister Jean threw out the home opener’s first pitch, totally trolling reliever Steve Cishek with a spot-on underhand delivery.
  4. Ben Zobrist’s wife once again sang God Bless America beautifully. The only blemish: Cubs management wouldn’t let Ben’s all-beard jug band, The Jugs Men, accompany her.
  5. Chicago Cubs
    Addison Russell and Judd Hirsch on the set of “Superior Donuts.” (CBS Television Studios)

    Addison Russell made his TV acting debut on the CBS Monday night comedy Superior Donuts. To plug the show (and keep his bats from flying into the stands), he’s now eating a jelly cronut before every at-bat.

  6. Some worry the Cubs are lecturing the fun out of Javy Baez. Yet, Javy proudly showed off three stickers earned for proposing to his girlfriend and two ice cream cups for straightening up his locker.
  7. Pirates Manager Clint Hurdle changed his criticism of Baez. His new beef: Javy’s MLB logo tattoo totally disrespects U.S. trademark law. Expressed written consent was never sought.
  8. Weighing in on the big Hurdle v. Baez feud, Maddon worried about Javy letting anyone as gee-normously large as Clint Hurdle into his head. “I totally recommend cool-sculpting to Clint. Schwarber knows a guy.”
  9. Yu Darvish is currently working on an eighth pitch to get back on track.
  10. As Cubs Insider’s Michael Canter reported, Gallagher has inked a sponsorship agreement with the Ricketts family. In addition to signage on the Triangle Building, the building’s 200-seat theater will now serve as the prop comic’s year-round home. #BransonAtWrigley
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Jeff Burdick

A California-based refugee of Chicago, Jeff loves writing about baseball through the lens of his favorite hometown team.

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