X-Rated Factor: Joe Maddon Won’t Reveal NSFW Slogan for Leadoff Hitter Kyle Schwarber

It goes without saying that you’re going to get few expletives here and there in the Cubs locker room. Any locker room, for that matter. And though the squeaky clean Kris Bryant isn’t letting fly with four-letter words — you only need three for MVP — you can bet that more than a few of his teammates are willing to pick up the slack. Chief among those is Kyle Schwarber, the longshoreman masquerading as a leadoff hitter.

This is the same guy who, despite being decommissioned with a shredded knee, burst into the draft room last June to fire up Cubs execs prior to their Day 2 selections with a colorful pep talk.

“Let’s f—— go! Get some f—— players!” Jason McLeod recalled Schwarber saying. “Let’s do this s—!”

Then there was that infamous moment in Game 2 of the World Series, when Schwarber turned to the dugout and told David Ross to do something rather untoward. And it was in full view of the FOX cameras, which was fun. I don’t know about you, but I always get giggly when hot mics pick up naughty words.

Now that we’ve thoroughly established that War Bear is basically a character in a Quentin Tarantino movie, we can move on to Joe Maddon’s new slogan for the man batting at the top of his order.

“I have something, but it’s slightly X-rated, so I can’t tell you guys,” Maddon explained to reporters Thursday. “It’s not slightly X-rated. It’s totally X-rated, so I can’t publicly disclose.”

C’mon, Joe, you can’t be all coy like that.

He did go on to say that this new catchphrase had something to do with eyes and that it’d sell a lot of t-shirts, though he declined to disclose more than that. Which means we’re going to have to guess. I’ll take a crack at it here, but feel free to provide your own in the comments. And please, let’s try to use a little restraint. This is a family program.

You f—–‘ go, we f—–‘ go.

Look me in the eyes, m———–.

Just get on f—–‘ base so the m———– with the pretty eyes batting behind you can hit a f—–‘ home run.

Eyes, eyes, baby.

Try not to suck my….Hey, what’d I just say about the family stuff?